Friday, November 24, 2017

The restroom on the TARDIS

Well, I say "restroom" but I am American. Is it more British to say toilet? I can't say "bathroom" because it has no bathtub or shower in it. It has a toilet, a sink, a mirror cabinet, and a cabinet under the sink. The room is also a mess.

Not a mess as in dirty, just regular mess. I imagine the Doctor is not much on organization. That is just a theory. One would think that a restroom is not very interesting. Usually that kind of thing goes unspoken for obvious reasons. And, let's be honest, nothing really interesting happens in a restroom. Or at least nothing we like to talk about.

Obviously, I am not going to talk about that either. But the Restroom on the TRADIS is an interesting room because of what is contained in it. Not the sink or the toilet, the other really strange things inside used for first aid or grooming that I have never seen before or things that should have been put away ages ago.

I walk into the room and close the door. Then, I look around. Human looking toilet, sink, and mirror; nothing unusual there. Surrounding the sink is a plethora of stuff! Human toothpaste is there, yes. But the tube is ancient. The brand I have never seen before. Human looking toothbrushes are there too, but one that looks like a paint brush with harder, courser bristles with a wooden handle. I recognize a melted bar of soap,  bottle of half used liquid soap that smelled smelled floral but I didn't recognize the scent to be honest. And another bottle, barley used of soap that smelled of metal and cheese (sorry, that was the best description I could do) Sitting on the counter near the sink, is a container of metal files, from rough to smooth. There is another metal thing that looks like a tooth scraper? I am not sure really.

The mirror opens up, so I open it. There are four shelves inside. There are tubes of ointment, one of which has mercury in it. I don't touch that one. Zinc oxide, sunscreen, contact solution, and a contacts case missing one lid. Hair brushes and combs still holding bits of hair. Those are pretty normal looking. But there are also soft brushes with bits of dandruff or scales in it? There was a section of shelf that had tools on it, like hammers, screwdrivers, and some sort of scanner? Human looking nail clippers but also dog claw clippers and sandpaper. I closed the cabinet. There was weird stuff in there.

I bent down to look under the sink. I opened the little door and saw one roll of human toilet paper, a spray bottle of brackish liquid, and small device with plunger/sucker things. Two stacked boxes of pellets, no label or instructions, and a jug of thick-looking red liquid with a picture of a red monster covered in suckers. I couldn't read the markings on it. Most of the things in the restroom I couldn't read anyway. Here's what I figured, if the TARDIS did not translate it, I did not need to know what it was. Maybe it's a polite setting? Or Privacy setting? Who knows?

The toilet. It looked plain enough. It did have some buttons on it. But nothing I could understand. It had sensors on it, that was clear enough. I have seen those high tech Japanese toilets before, so the settings and buttons didn't scare me. What scared me was not knowing what they were for. I did expect to sit down and have the thing give me a clean over from head to foot and everything in between. I'll admit it. I was on the TARDIS and I was afraid my thing.

I vocalized my frustration. "What's wrong with a bit of "Room of Requirement?!"

My heart leaped into my throat when a robotic female voice interrupted my visit. "21st Century Human settings engaged. Please exit the room and re-enter."

I went to the door, stepped out, closed it. Then, opened it and re-entered. The room had changed to what I would recognize as a toilet room. I laughed so hard!

previous                                   Stop Rabbit Stop

next                                             The Day I Hurt the Doctor