Sunday, December 12, 2021

Loki Red-Stripe prt 1

 Hearing me talk, you may get the impression that I'm a firm believer of sunshine from Loki's butt. This is incorrect. Like most males of his kind, they completely believe the statement 'I'm so wonderful sunshine glows from my butt'. It's not that they make it a point to be massive pricks, but they, at times, will overstate the value of their inner divinity. This is why the Divine Source commanded that they could no longer be Eternal and switched things up by making them Immortal. Of course, that was brought about by Loki. He interpreted his annihilation of the Eternal and the total destruction of the old ways as imperial evidence of his brilliant magnificence. This idea was overfed to him by his own mind. So as you can see his ego has a special way of being overfed, and thus fallible. I know this. I accept and respect it. It is one of his biggest character flaws. So, I talk about the other wonderful things about him, while giving him the side-eye and reminding him he is guilty of making mistakes. Or remind him of how stupidly human he can be by loudly pointing out minor character flaws like his terrible diet and lack of adulting.

Those points aside, one of the most beautiful things about Loki is his strange ability to meta-weave himself through the fabric of space and time. (Space-time for those who are boring and without the romantic poetry gene). There was a memory that surfaced recently that triggered this in me. If there is one thing in this world I can do, it's talk about Loki. Becuase that is how I love him from far away.

Speaking of love, it's that very thing that brings me to this tale. It was a long time ago somewhere in the grasslands of the Asian continent. I was an Amazon maiden. I had encountered one by the name of Loki Red-Stripe. So named for the thick warrior's stripe of blazing red hair on his head. I fell deeply in love
with him. He was traveling with his band of warriors to wreak havoc along some trail his uncle had claimed. In other terms, border patrol. When warriors get bored, they will always eventually end up looking for booze and woman. (Remember this. It's important)

Our tribe, being nomadic, bumped into their borders. Of course, it started out as a fight but nature took over when they discovered we were a scouting/hunting party of women who also had been away from the tribe too long. The fight ended with everybody getting naked and frolicking; which is a much better and efficient way of spending time away from home.

Loki and I spent a few days together. We went hunting, fishing, and swimming. Spent the nights with more frolicking, then we parted ways. Sad that we probably would never see each other again.

Fast forward sometime later, our chieftess decided to settle down near a new land. This wasn't odd. There was some unrest in the East. There was a rising danger to the South. We needed to settle to fortify ourselves. We chose a spot near some great hills in the northwest but east of the Volga River. As we began to build our new settlement, here come some warriors to drive us off. They came at us from across a grass field, weapons drawn, screaming berserking battle cries. And then completely dumfounding the war chief as a few of them grabbed some of our warriors and kissed them full on the mouth!

Lo! How lucky can one bitch be in a single lifetime! There is Loki, standing beside the war chief on the horse. He looks around at some fighting and some fucking (willingly mind!) Takes a deep breath as shock rolls over him, figures it out, then calls off the attack. The war chief on the horse starts to object but Loki turns his axe to the flat blunt side and whacks the man off his horse. Why fight when you know for sure diplomacy will work out for the benefit of two tribes? I have never known a Loki to pass the opportunity to talk his way out of something. Especially, if it is in his best interest. I know he thought that because he was eyeballing me from across the field commanding everybody to stand down.

Turns out he is a bit of a lordship in his tribe. His uncle is the big man in charge. His cousin, who loves him dearly, is next in line to lead. I guess a bitch can get lucky a lot in a single lifetime.

Unless other people have different ideas. Like the Chieftess of my tribe. She wants a couple of her daughters to get married into his family. Expectedly, uncle wants to marry off some of his sons. However, his heir is already taken and his other sons are not old enough to be wed. This leaves nephews. This points to Loki.

Here's a secret about Loki. It's a flat-out war if someone tells Loki what to do with his heart. He absolutely cannot be forced into marriage for any reason. A king cannot convince him of his "civic duty". He cannot be bought or tricked. Loki will not surrender his heart on command. Loki will act out like an animal causing terrible things to happen in his panicked distress to defend his heart.

Uncle did not care for his behavior and threatened him. At this news, Loki went and got himself absolutely wasted. In his drunken madness blurted that I was the reason for his reluctance. This news reached Uncle and Chieftess. I was sent away for a time on a trading caravan heading south into the outskirts of the Persian Territories. This actually turned out to be a really good thing to happen.

While I was gone, I sought to soothe myself with some culture. I sat with storytellers, loremasters, and sages. I transported myself to the realms of Gods and Djinns as often as I could. I learned all that I could on my travels there and back again.

Meanwhile, back home, Loki has reluctantly married. He didn't abuse her, but he did emotionally abandon her. As tradition demanded, he nailed her enough times to get her pregnant. Then simply ignored her existence. This was not a good thing. She died during childbirth along with the child. Loki may have not loved her but Loki is a serious guy about fatherhood. Every Superior Variant is. This trait is one of the most important traits needed to be a Loki variant. Losing his would-be child, struck him hard. He blamed himself for her declining well-being and eventual death. After all, she wasn't all that happy to be wed to him either. It was a political thing for both. She truly had deserved better treatment from him. Loki did not handle the regret well.

A little while after that, the community experienced some windfalls. A plague swept through. Followed shortly by a raid from rivals from the west. During this series of unfortunate events, Loki lost family members; namely his uncle and his cousin. Several children were taken during the sickness. In short, that left Loki as the man who would be king.

When I returned, he was a single man with abundant lands and livestock. He had inherited the lodge and all the servants. Loki was transformed into the eligible bachelor. Which sounds great except that he also inherited all the pressure to go with it!

Mothers and fathers were shoving their daughters (and sons!) at him. (Not that it was a big deal. But that the numbers of the community were low and they needed every person to reproduce. Since the community was a little confused by Loki, because he can be gender fluid, they offered him one to marry and one to fuck at his whim and as needs must. Which is a normal thing at the time.)

Of course, there was pressure from the elders for him to marry well. And this time they backed off on a specific who. That much loss is hard for any person. The last thing they needed was an uncooperative leader. There was work to be done and decisions to make. They did not want to risk the unraveling psyche of a Loki. Government must move on, regardless of personal stuff.

There was a serious food shortage when we returned. So, when we came back happiness and stability returned. The stores were filled up to tide us over. More warriors for the hunting party is always a boon. In addition, we returned with unwilling help that was in desperate need. (Remember this is a super long time ago.) The community was seeing hope again.

Loki, on the other hand, was angry that I had left. Another thing that a real Loki variant will do is hold a grudge for way too long. Betrayal hurts him deeply because he loves so deeply. That's why he will betray another first if he gets the hint of a thought of shenanigans. He gets really stabby. (Which I have heard is ok because its Russia) In my case, it was a metaphorical stabby from his dagger-like stare I received every time I was near him.

Loki was also angry at my refusal to "fight for him". He was constantly surrounded by a group of romantic hopefuls. I made no effort to chase him or fight off the group. I said nothing. I did nothing. So, Loki took that to mean I had fallen out of love. The real truth was that I was exhausted from the trip and needed rest. I needed healing.

Loki needed healing too. But couldn't seem to find the best medicine. Because of my lack of interest, he decided to be a complete tart. He started to act out. Drinking, whoring, eating, hunting, everything a male considers to be pleasurable a few thousand years ago. No matter what he did, he couldn't seem to be satisfied or filled. Loki likes pleasure but he will also quickly bore of it. And that's dangerous, a bored Loki.

Now, he can't sleep. Loki is burnt at both ends. He is miserable. During this misery, he tries to distract himself with stories from the south. So, he sneaks into a thrall's gathering and listens to the fabulous tales of the south. He is filled with inspiration as he is told of thieves, genies' lamps, magic carpets, and words that open concealed doors that lead to hordes of gold. Loki sees hope that a person, a king even, could hear a thousand tales and rise again, transformed and healed.

After the gathering cleared away for the night, the disguised Loki approached the seated storyteller. The figure was shadowed by the dying fire and the oversized draped hood.

"Skald, do you truly believe in the tales you repeat? Do you think a man may find restoration in folktales?" asked Loki.

"A man will find whatever he desires most if he listens to stories and hears the voice of the Gods within it. But a man must set aside pride and ego for a little time each night to listen with the heart of a child. Not many are brave enough for this task. It means opening the heart and being vulnerable to one's own darkness. Only in this way can we see the lighted path ahead and be healed," said the skald.

"A brave man only dies but once, a coward will die a thousand times. I am brave," said Loki.

"Is that what you believe?" chuckled the skald.

"How can it be different?"

"Because brave men die just as many times as a coward, the difference is that the brave man is reborn into a better world. The coward remains buried in his own darkness, doomed to repeat it eternally. Brave men are granted immortality." said the skald.

Loki paused in thought. The smoldering embers cracked and popped as the fire cooled in the night air. A light spray of red ash flew up. It turned grey as the breeze caught it and cast it away into the starry sky. "It's clear you are speaking not in terms of flesh but in terms of spirit and mind. I can sense its merit and value though I can't see it as clearly as I would like." Loki sat down on the ground near the fire facing the hooded skald. "Let me speak plainly. I know I'm in a bad place. Here," he pointed at his chest. "I don't know what to do about it. I'm willing to try anything. I need new medicine."

"It's dangerous for a doctor to try a new medicine with a king, regardless of what kind of medicine it is. Powerful men are impatient. Sometimes they lack insight and intuition. If powerful men do not see results immediately, it is common that he murders the one who provides the medicine. In my story, the concubine is threatened with death if she does not deliver a story to the king every night for a thousand nights. The truth is that this is an exaggeration. The lie is to exhibit the lengths one would go to out of love. It also speaks that healing takes as long as it takes. It could be a day of inspiration or it could be a full lifetime. But truly in life, one thousand nights is not necessary. Nor the threat of death. As a matter of truth, the threat of death is counter to the heart of the exercise."

"What do you mean?"

The skald took a deep breath. "Loki, I can't give you my secrets just as the Gods can't give away the answers. A supplicant must experience them or it has no meaning. Forcing another with the threat of death takes away the intent of the person who is administering the medicine. It must be done out of love, not fear. That is part of the medicine."

After a moment, Loki nodded his head. "I do understand your meaning there. I don't only need medicine, I need a loving person to administer it. Someone true." He paused and lowered his head. "Where could I find someone like that? I feel that all who love me have abandoned me or died. Who is left?"

"Loki, you are so wrapped up in your grief you have not been mindful or observant at all. Come out of your head and look at me,"said the skald.

Loki looked up at the hooded skald. His eyes wandered up and down the cloaked figure sitting in the dim red light. "I'm looking. What am I supposed to see?"

"By the Nine, Loki, if you can't see it yet, return tomorrow night, and look again." The hooded figure let loose an exasperated sigh, stood up, and turned away.

Having witnessed such an exchange, I shook my head. It's common for a stressed and distressed Loki to be blind to his own current standing in the world. But the most important truth here is that until he dug himself out of his own inner turmoil, nothing and nobody could help him with or without good medicine. So, I walked away in fear. I was frightened that he would not return. Fearful he wouldn't rise against his own pride and ego to fight for himself. In tears that I could do nothing except wait and watch for his next move.


Sunday, December 5, 2021

A box of Lessons

I have a box of Lessons Learned

That living tight me with each cycle turned

In the box, they keep tight enclosed

To Spin and Join, To be composed

So at the end, when pulled back out

A Story of Lessons Learned throughout

Saturday, December 4, 2021

Holy Elements for Cleansing

 The basic premise for cleansing is to use Holy elements. 

Holy Air

A practitioner doesn't have to use Holy smoke or Holy oil. These cover the element of Air. There are 3 other elements to choose from. (also, alternative Air elements you can use. For example, a blessed hand fan. I have 5 or 6 each a different color combo. My alter has three alone.)

Holy Earth.

What do you think that salt is for on your alter? Use the Holy Earth by sprinkling it on your objects to bless it. I also have a container of sand. This container is used for holding my intense, but that ash is Holy ash. I mix it into my sand. And I use that Holy Earth to bless my feet when I need extra grounding power! You don't have to use your ashes from incense, (since you don't want to do intense) just get some sand. Flowers and herbs are great for cleansing as well. Scatter dried flowers and herbs if you can stand it.

Potted plant. Your mom will never suspect a houseplant to be pagan. But it can be.

Holy Water

What do you think that goblet is for, youngling? The water (or wine) on your alter is there for a reason, use it! Sprinkle it where you need it,

A picture or figurine of a water creature on your wall or shelf. Can be kept on the down-low up high. (lolZ)

Or a small watering can. You need a watering can for your houseplant right?

Holy Fire

Your Athame is a fire element. Use it for blessing what you will using its Holy Fire ability. Light is also Holy. I have some suncatchers in my window. They are blessed and when the sun shines through, it cascades Holy Rainbows over my sacred space.

Go kitchen witch, use a wooden spoon as a wand. Keep it in the kitchen drawer. She'll never know.

USe Christain Iconography to hide your true faith. Our ancestors did it and it isn't stealing because they stole it from us first, Take back your culture! The Hanging Jesus is actually Odin on the tree. Virgin Mary is actually Frigga or Freya. The BAby Jesus is BAlder or Vali (depending on whether you are an Odinist or Lokian)

Invoke Your Inner Loki and be creative in your craft. Cunning magic always pleases the Gods.

There are trolls and then there are TROLLS

 Being on Reddit is always interesting in some form or fashion. I do enjoy some of the rhetoric there, and I am guilty of serving a  few whooping platters of my trollishness. But there are some who just really make their life's goal to be the biggest Toxic Devil's Advocate they possibly can be online. And they are super good at it too.

Using Logic on a Spiritual thread. Doesn't get a person kicked off. My topic was one of generalized representation of the Moon goddess and its main Phases, turned into 

"Well, technically there are 8 phases of the moon" discussion. Which threw the entire point of the post into the flames of Hel. Seriously? This person is supposed to be on a Pagan/Wiccan thread. Why are we having a technical Astronomy discussion about the 8 phases of the moon in regard to the Morrigan being represented by the dark moon? This is too much Ego.

I told her to dial it back. Too much ego for a spiritual discussion, the mod comes back with. "That's not ego. Thats just fact."

Well, Sherlock what do you think Ego is in this context? If we were dealing with facts, I would be in a science thread, not a faith-driven spiritual one! 


If a person is mindful of the CONTEXT in which the discussion is taking place, then we do not need to deal with people who want to be the smartest in the room. Becuase, I'll be honest, I'm only comfortable with Rick when he's in a cartoon. Not when I have to deal with him in real life. Becuase I promise the real-life Rick is not the smartest person in the room, he's just the biggest asshole in the room. And the drunkest asshole in the room. Which does not add up to the greatest social experience of my life. It adds up to wasted energy on a douchebag. And I don't like to waste my energy or time on a person who doesn't deserve it.

Those who don't deserve my time and energy are those who are too closed by insecurity and fear to learn anything from me. Now, NOW! I completely understand why Yoda did not want to teach Anakin! And the mistake that the counsel made when they over rode Yoda's verdict! I also see that the Counsel's decision was solely based on (and yeah, I'm making a deduction based on the information before me, which may also be labeled an assumption) "If we don't train him, the dark side will find him and convert him." Which is greed. The council was being greedy. Jedi Trolls!

But that doesn't matter. It's not their problem. Its MINE. I'm the one who has to learn how to deal with this type of person because this type of person will always exist, on or off the net. A troll, a real troll, is a social dumpster fire that will challenge anyone, everyone at one point or another. This is one of those little Social life lessons that we all must learn to "get out of grade school mindset" (That mindset is something like this, "Hey! He's not being fair! I'm telling the teacher you're being a bully! MOM!" Which I imagine is the problem of some of the softer sides of SJW movements. Where everyone has to be nice and hug their neighbor and nothing bad ever happens to anyone ever. Excuse me while I gag on rainbows and sparkles)

Blocking these people is just shutting myself off from the world. So, I reject that option of resolution.

Sticking up for myself is not an option either. These types of people are closed to anything beyond their own head. That is the trouble of living in an ego like that. No room for anyone else or any other perspective but their own. Not worth the effort to even attempt to meet halfway.

I guess the best way to deal with them is to ignore and avoid interacting with them. And if their flying monkeys "come to their rescue" ignore than too. Otherwise, I have nothing on the matter that comes close to handling them in any sort of real way.

Advice for Younglings

 First & foremost the most important rule. If you do not do this, you won't get anywhere:

Make time for the Gods. If you don't make time for them, they won't make time for you.

2nd: Be ready to put an extraordinary amount of work into yourself over an extended period of time

3rd: Open yourself up to learn your voice and a new language. The Divine Language of your intuition.

Making time doing what? What's the first step to that?

Mindfulness Meditation is absolutely required for connecting to any deity. You are the key. A practitioner must be in tune with their own inner deity to "make a phone call" By nurturing your own inner Divinity, the Gods will connect and speak through that "Ethernet" connection. Without it, you can't make a call. It takes practice. It won't happen overnight. But it's a skill that you CAN learn. The path of magic is being active with it.

Read! Read! Read! You can't make bricks without clay! You are the clay. Mold it by learning and applying that knowledge into daily living. Immerse yourself in that life. That means living the magical life you love. In Paganism, everything is connected. You are responsible & accountable for that life. Positively feeding your physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional bodies with the spiritual life will ping the God's attention.


The Gods love to help those who first put the work into themselves. The Gods do not want to waste time with those who are sleeping or only partly sleeping. (That's what Christianity is for.) We are pagan. We are not asleep. But we have to put in a butt load of work over an extended period of time to prove to the Gods that our devotion and resolve to our incorporeal object constancy and faith is not a mortal fleeting whim, but a consistent and constant overpowering desire to bring forth and grow our own Divinity. (In the magical life, I often posit that Object Constancy and Faith are similar. Only that object constancy is subject to our ego, while our Faith is subject to our intuition. This will make sense to you later as you evolve, this is why reading is critical to Pagan spiritual success.)

Read what exactly?

Not only magical books. Self help, therapy books, myth, folklore, fairytales, Hero of a thousand faces, Paganism 101, drawing down the moon, anything by Buckland, Silver ravenwolf, Cunningham, Telesco, John Bradshaw, yes the Bible too. It does contain parables and wisdom for us too. But that also means other standard holy books, the Vedas, Eddas, Islamic stuff, jewish stuff, (sorry my brain just hiccuped) you need to read anything that will fill your spirit with wonder and inspiration Stay away from stuff that is toxic or leaves you feeling hungry. The purpose is to raise you up, feed your spirit, and leave you refreshed with perspective and new unknown choices.

What's a Divine Language?

When someone says, "Trust your intuition."

I immediately ask, "Oh yeah? Tell them what that sounds like. Then they can listen to it to trust it." I promise that is answered by crickets.

Reading and immersing yourself into your magical life will lead you to learn the voice of your inner Divinity and understand the language of your own intuition. It's like a Love Language. This is very personal and it differs from every other person. So, there is no one that can help you beyond this advice. But once you learn what your intuitive voice sounds like and understand the words or visual prompts it sends you, it will become easier and easier to hear it, listen to it, and trust it implicitly. But you must put in the work. You must take the time to sit in silence and your mind must be still enough for the voice to get through.

Warning: This path may lead you through to Shadowork and a dark night of the soul. It did me. It was worth it. Every tear shed and every challenge that tore me apart. The Divine Force sent me Gods to mentor me back to a better path. They healed me and gave me a greater understanding of myself and therefore my world was made a better place to be.

I have given you 3 things to do, youngling. If you follow these basic things, I promise the Gods will come. For beckoned or unbeckoned, the Gods WILL come. I wish you the greatest adventure any person could ever have.

What exactly is triple about the moon goddess?

 I got a download from the Divine not too long ago. And I have been in a deep state of meditation and ponderance about it.

The vision was this:

The Morrigan showed up and was fuming. (Personally, I got really scared and just slipped into silent trembling fear.) She grows into a towering giant before me and says, "What exactly is triple about the moon, young mortal? Tell me why I have been left out of the standard equation?"

I did not answer because its the Morrigan and she is effin frightening when she's angry.

"The last time I checked the Moon had FOUR phases. Four! Full, waxing, waning, AND HIDDEN! Triple moon goddess, my blind cow!"

Okay, so I'm jolted out of the vision. Having time to think about it, I can see why she is hopping mad! The Dark Moon has been...accidentally?... written out of some texts. I can understand why she is not happy. Being the HIdden and dark is not supposed to be evil and scary. Its natural. Its path is to be walked at some point. Everyone must experience the dark night of the soul and thus enter the domain of the Morrigan. Leaving her out of the Moon Cycle equation is wrong.

I decided to put the Morrigan back where she belongs and honor her darkness. Without her challenge, I cannot grow in faith. I was then compelled to make a statement about that to other Wiccans and Pagans. Do as you will. It doesn't harm anyone to put the Morrigan back in her rightful place and exterminate an outdated idea of the triple moon goddess.

Friday, December 3, 2021

Rey Skywalker Rising

Disclaimer: For this discussion, the content and statements made here are purely and strictly from the movie only.  I do not care about any other types of IP media that may explain anything beyond what is contained in the movie.

Dear Beloved Fanboy,

It's been over a year since I was in one of your discussions about The Rise Of Skywalker. At the time, I wholeheartedly agreed with every word you uttered. Since then, however, I have come into a deeper understanding. I understand that we were very wrong in our beginning assessment. I am going to right a wrong that was committed by me last year. In addition, I'm going to explain why I believe that The Rise of Skywalker is a long-awaited narrative change that reflects the Millenials rather than a Gen-Xer. While it had its flaws, the movie is not bad when viewed through different eyes. I also posit that our reaction last year was a deeper reflection of something we did not want to see or admit to ourselves. That is we are getting older and those worlds do not belong to us anymore. It is time to leave them behind, Peter Pan. It is time to grow up.

Let's start at the beginning as Rey is left behind on Jakku by her parents. What the audience is able to piece together is that Rey's parents are addicts of some kind. They sold out their child for drugs.

If we say that Rey's parents are a reflection of a large percentage of Gen-Xers, then this element of narrative speaks, nay it screams, accuracy. Becuase it points to Palatine being a Boomer parent. I don't know about you but this also feels and appears to me, awkwardly accurate. It is not true across the board, nothing ever is. But for me, I can see this all too real reflection of human behavior. The Boomer oppression of personal power. The resistance and refusal to step down, let go, or allowance of the natural succession of death. The refusal and resistance to allow their children to take their rightful place as leaders of the domain. Instead, maliciously manipulating and tempting their grandchildren into puppet kings to carry on the spirit of their rule.

Luke Skywalker is the perfect example of a defeated Gen-Xer parent. Luke, so afraid of repeating the toxic behavior patterns of his dark side parent, he accidentally traumatized a teen-age boy towards the darkside. Wrecked with toxic shame and guilt, he closed himself off from the entire universe. He slipped into the half man refusing to pass on anything at all. Luke completely ignoring and abandoning not only the Dark side, but all that is good and Light as well; leaving a wasted life behind. I imagine this is exactly why Rey's parents were addicts. They lacked the strength to be strong against their own parents. Faced with devaluation and abandonment, they could not save themselves. It is possible that Rey's parents believed that they were doing Rey a favor by leaving her on Jakku with Unkar Plutt.

To combat this the Force allows two warriors to co-create themselves into Twin Flames. This power rises in Kylo and Rey. To understand this dynamic, we must first discuss and understand my personal great passion, Loki.

To become a Loki Variant, a person must undergo a series of trials that reflect the original Loki, The Fire- Thief. This Loki is the Prometheus of his kind. Every Loki will betray himself by removing his own heart. In its place, he will develop fires of rage. This is his villian development.

Kylo Ren must murder his own heart. Kylo's heart is his love for his father, Han Solo. When Kylo met with Han, he says: 

"I'm being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain. I know what I have to do but I don't know if I have the strength to do it."

Snoke has seen Kylo's heart. Snoke will never trust Kylo until he kills his father. Killing Han was supposed to be a power move to help convince Snoke that his loyalty was with the Darkside. It was supposed to prove to Snoke that Kylo wasn't like Anakin. Kylo Ren's heart was empty not just dead. Snoke needed that heart to be empty becuase Snoke knows that what is dead can never die. But if it's empty, there is nothing to resurrect. The transformation to the Darkside can be complete.

Except when we talk about Loki. Loki's empty chest is a prepared cold hearth for Divine Flames, the Twin kind. Loki pulls his heart from his own chest and sacrifices it. It is his Destiny to burn his own heart out with passion and rage. From these actions, he dies of his own villainy against himself. It lives an unliving life becuase Loki Variants cannot die. 

Now, let's talk about Sigyn. Sigyn's character is an obscure one. There's not a lot about her in the Edda's or anywhere else. I can reveal that over many years, I have gathered enough about her to identify some traits that all Sigyn Varients share. 

The biggest is unwavering unconditional love. This causes blinding trust. Her devotion is shining and divine.  She has a dragon's loyalty and the fidelity of angels. It's wildly pure and has the strength of mountains. Sigyn's blessings often become curses. Becuase of the strength of these traits, she often finds herself being imprisoned by her own virtues. She will wait for a loved one well beyond what is reasonable. She will allow herself to be devalued and abused for the sake of her loved one. She will enable toxic behaviors and allow the continued abuse of herself and those around her. Sigyn will shower others with attention and love while denying and refusing her own basic needs of living. 

When both of these Variants are activated, they resurrect each other and co-create and new balance. Loki burns himself and the woman by his side. They both hover on the brink of death. But in their case, Death is not absolute, it is transformation becuase of the use of Divine flames. Sigyn rises from her own ashes, reborn full and new. She gives the burned Loki the kiss of true love and restores his heart to him once more. Both are transformed and healed. The Force brought back into balance.

This Twin Flamed, Soul Bonded couple also has Variant traits. A darksided pair would rule like Palpatine never could. It would be large scale, magically enhanced Joker and Harley Quinn match. I believe this was Palpatine's Plan. To rule the bloodline of Skywalker, he had to rule its heart. When he saw the opportunity to be Rey and rule Kylo's heart through her, it was far and beyond too good an opportunity to pass up. 

Kylo and Rey, now Soul Bonded, were able to resist the power of the Darkside. They were able to withstand the evil of Palpatine and overturn the Power of the Sith. This was supposed to be the Destiny of Anakin and Padme. It tried again with Luke and Leia. It finally succeeded with Kylo and Rey.

But the Force is not finished. The Force must restore its own Legacy. The way of the Old Jedi is gone, and so it should be. The way of the old Sith is gone, and so it should be. This opens the path for a new generation to build a new path to success. It doesn't matter if Rey does it or not. The Force will make the call until another force-user answers. The Force doesn't rely on bloodline to propagate itself. It creates itself becuase there are no mortal rules to follow or boundaries to respect. It is the Force. It is.

At the end of the movie, when Rey looks out towards the Tatooine suns setting, she took the name Skywalker. That's becuase she belongs to it. Bloodline is not necessary. She could have taken any name. But she chose to continue the Legacy of the Skywalker clan. Rey made that choice as a symbolic gesture to carry on the positive lesson she learned from her mentors. To forgive the mistakes and bad choices of previous generations. To rise on a different kind of throne of power, the throne of her own Divinity.

Fanboy, I still hear your echoing boos and boo-hoos through the internet. I'm not listening to them anymore. I come from a new place of understanding that this narrative has moved on, in a different direction. It no longer speaks to you and you are afraid. Afraid of getting older, losing control, passing on your throne to a younger generation. The same fears that Palpatine expressed in his resistance and refusal to move on. This movie isn't perfect but it's not as bad as we once agreed it was. Wendy Darling went home and grew up. She got a look from the other side of the looking glass. Now I'm asking you if you have enough strength to recognize your toxic shame to step up with me, eat your words, and grow up? Do you have enough integrity in you? Come home. We can always start another game tomorrow. Let this one go. Change with us. Move on with us. I promise there is always more fun in the morning.

May the Force be with you. For all Time. Always.

Thursday, December 2, 2021

Healing & Improvement at the end of 2021

 I am proud of myself.

The female biological donor called me. In the long past, I would have answered, allowed her to ramp me up, & then spend the rest of the day in misery.

In the short past, I would have not answered the phone at all. I would have simply boiled over her audacity

to call to try to gaslight, devalue, guilt, & shame me into doing whatever took her fancy that day.

This time, as the phone rang, I looked at it & breathed deeply. I looked into the darkest part of me & stilled my nerve for battle.

"Hello (her given name), how may I help you?" I say into the phone with a very business-like tone.

I'm not going to bore you with details here. I'm going to paraphrase the conversation into healthy & understandable layman's terms.

"Hello Daughter, I have called because I'm being nosey. I feel guilty about stuff but I would never admit this to any entity Dead or Alive. So, I'm calling to check in on your current attitude towards me. Since you are still feeling salty, I will future promise help & resources towards something I know you absolutely require for daily living. Since that won't work, I'll offer your children that same empty promise in the hopes that you will enter my domain in hopes of making your children's lives easier with something they need. I will also bait you into anger, to weaken your resolve. This will get my foot in the door as it has in the past. Oh, no. It didn't work this time? Don't worry I will keep bringing up trigger topics to work you up then gaslight you into you believing it's your fault  "the argument started'. I will try to hang up the phone feeling like a victim so I can tell my Flying Monkey Family members how horrible you were to me. They will "come to my rescue" and help me feel secure again. If you don't fed me & give attention to fend off my fear of abandonment, I will manipulate all your family into shunning you. This will work because these people don't talk to you & get ALL their information about you, from me. So If you want a relationship with your extended family members you have to speak to me."

None of these things worked on me. None of these things sent me into an escalating Borderline Personality Disorder roller coaster of Emotional Nuclear Holocaust portions. I was affirmative. Strong.  Solidly set on the words she never wanted to hear:

No. I. Do. Not. Need. You.

They weren't yelled or screamed. They weren't whined or over-dramatized. They were words of a parent protecting their inner child from a toxic adult.

I've been working on those words for years. Often used them against other people. But never against my mother...until yesterday. 

I am reborn. I am free. I am not alone. Most importantly, I am loved

May the Force be with you. For All Time. Always.