Thursday, March 24, 2016

21st Birthday with Rabbits

Yesterday, My son turned 21. So, Last night he had a party with drunk rabbits. (See  400 Drunk Rabbits)
 A few new ones showed up and the more extreme ones stayed away. Here is a list of  Drunk Rabbits:
1. The-Most-Interesting-Rabbit-In-The-World
2. Drinking-Game Rabbit -He is a new one that showed up! This Rabbit comes up with old games and new ones to play.
3. Telling-Stories Rabbit
4. Macuil Tochtli  (Five Rabbit)- He is an original Aztec Rabbit and the God of Alcoholic Beverages. He encouraged Wesley to experiment with his drinks and drink them all. This rabbit will stay until the next day because he is also the God of Hangovers and consequences.
5. Level-Headed Rabbit- He did a pretty good job of keeping the more extreme Rabbits away.
6. Needs-Some-Air Rabbit- A new one that showed up This drunk Rabbit is drunk and needs some air. He goes outside to cool off before coming back into the party for more. (Wes kept going outside for air.)
7. Last-One-At-The-Party Rabbit- Another new rabbit. This Rabbit can stay up longer than the other rabbits and is the last to pass out. (Wes was the last one to go to bed)
8. Excited-About-Everything Rabbit- Another new Rabbit. This guy is drunk and excited about everything. He is a very loud talker, sometimes yelling without meaning too. He doesn't sing, he just talks really loud all night long.
9. Surfs-Internet-While-Drunk Rabbit- A very modern Rabbit and new one to show up. This Rabbit is drunk and looking for entertainment. He searches for cat videos, epic fail videos, and internet memes.
10. Smoking Rabbit- made a short appearance, then left mysteriously
11. His-Fly-Is-Open Rabbit- This Rabbit is drunk and he went to the bathroom. He came out with his fly open and had to be told to zip it.
12. Tells-Inside-Jokes Rabbit- It is funny but only if you know what is going on.
13. Buzzed Rabbit- he is one of the first rabbits to show up at any party
14. Spinning Rabbit- Also another Rabbit that shows up early and leaves the next day.
15. Passed-Out-on-The-Floor Rabbit- This Rabbit isn't the same as Falls-Face-Down Rabbit. This Rabbit gently lowers the drinker to the floor, where he curls up and falls asleep. 

My son's official introduction to the world of Alcohol was moderate. We are all happy with the results. Stage two comes after his sister turns 21 and we all go to Mardi Gras. But that is another story for later.

Saturday, March 19, 2016

400 Drunk Rabbits

With St. Patrick's day behind us and Easter ahead of us, I would like to resurrect Aztec  Divine Rabibts called, Centzon Totochtin, or 400 Drunken Rabbits. There is a story about them that can be found on Google and a very short list of Rabbits. The rest of the 395 (or so) Rabbits names and functions have been lost in time.

When I told my family of these drunk little furries, they laughed. And then we decided to name a few of our own. So without further ado, here is a list of Rabbits, that we believe, may have been a part of this group.

  1. Level- Headed Rabbit This is the guy at the party who drinks, moderately, and tries to keep other Rabbits out of trouble. Tries anyway
  2. Buzzed Rabbit This guy isn't drunk yet, but he is on his way
  3. Sings-Too-Loud-and-Off-Key Rabbit  He is also known as "This-Is-My-Song" Rabbit
  4. Removes-His-Clothes Rabbit This is the guy drunk enough to start stripping. It will lead to streaking before the night is over.
  5. Stumbling Rabbit- This guy can barely walk and may fall into the fire pit by the end of the night. The sacred question to this rabbit is "pissed on or stomped on?" which must be answered before you can be blessed by his divine drunkenness.
  6. Dehydration Rabbit- This guy is drunk and needs water. He keeps asking for it. But it is a mistake. The more water he drinks the drunker he gets. 
  7. Gets-sick Rabbit- Well, he drank all that water, what did you expect? He also did not eat dinner, he drank on an empty stomach. Makes you wonder what he is throwing up, doesn't it. He is also know n as Dry-Heave Rabbit.
  8. Beer Goggles Rabbit-  All the females in the room are fine. son!
  9. Tells-Stories Rabbit-  This guy has war stories, no-shit stories, Fish stores, drunk History, fairy tales, and whoppers. He can tell you all about them, all night long.
  10. Cries-To-The-Dead Rabbit-  This guy is crying and toasting his dead friends ALL. NIGHT. LONG. By the end of the night, even the dead what him to shut up. 
  11. Sex-In-Inappropriate-Places Rabbit- Wouldn't it be cool to screw that chick behind the dumpster in alley? You know the one that smells like urine and decaying flesh? In the bathroom, on the battlefield, under the bleachers...He is pretty creative, just give him a minute.
  12. Lost Rabbit- He got lost on the other side of the room, or in the bathroom. He forgot where he was camping. Yup, he is that drunk.
  13. Falls-Face-Down Rabbit- This guy is so drunk he fell face down in the road/ditch/mud. Sometimes, he stayed there.
  14. Naked-Night-Swim Rabbit-  Usually found at beaches or lake sides. But if he is found inland, he will talk about taking a trip to water so he can.
  15. Just-NOT-Drunk-Enough Rabbit-  This guy isn't drunk enough to do something he will regret. He has a twin brother. See #16.
  16. Just-Drunk-Enough Rabbit- This guy is just drunk enough to do something he will regret in the morning. He had one more drink than his twin brother. See #15.
  17. Urinates-On-Self Rabbit- He got so drunk, he peed his pants.
  18. Fights-With-Fists Rabbit-  He wants to fight. He will find one or make one.
  19. High-Brow Rabbit- He is drunk and thinks he is a genius.
  20. Spins-Bottle Rabbit- This drunk rabbit frequents underage parties. He isn't supposed to there and he knows it. He just doesn't care about consequences.
  21. Rejection Rabbit-  This guy is drunk and has a million pick-up lines. None of them work. He gets slapped...a lot.
  22. Bromance Rabbit- He is drunk and wants you to know how much he "loves you, Bro." No, he REALLY loves you, Bro.
  23. Can't-Stand-Up Rabbit- He can't stand up. He is usually seen in the company of Stumbles and Falls-Face-Down.
  24. Shit-Pants Rabbits- He is so drunk, he shit his pants. He is usually found, alone.
  25. Limp-Dick Rabbit- So drunk, he can't get it up.
  26. Get-Lucky Rabbit- How the hell did he manage to go home with three chicks AND convince them into a three way? Lucky Little has to be the feet...
  27. Hungry Rabbit- He is drunk and hungry. do not ask him what he is eating, you might not want to know.
  28. Smoking Rabbit- He is so drunk, he is chain smoking and doesn't know it. His throat will hurt in the morning.
  29. DUI Rabbit-  In Aztec times, this was probably "Riding-Donkey-While-Drunk Rabbit" This Rabbit is evil. Do not invite him to parties.
  30. Walk-Of-Shame Rabbit- Yeah, you know this guy...sigh
  31. Apology Rabbit-  This guy is drunk and apologizes for EVERYTHING all night long.
  32. Sports-Riot Rabbit-  I think he is Irish and loves Football (in the U.S. it's called Soccer). The point is, he REALLY LOVES Football!
  33. Throws-Rocks- Rabbit- Can be found in the company of Sports-Riot Rabbit. But he can be found in the company of a dumped lovers.
  34. Slashing-Tires Rabbit- He is found in the company of Sports-Riot Rabbit. But also in the company of dumped Lovers. (This might actually be some kind of frat)
  35. Business-Tie-Around-Forehead Rabbit- This rabbit is Japanese. He commutes from Brazil to Japan, frequently.
  36. Macho Rabbit-  This guy is drunk and is insecure about his manhood. So, he has to over play the cards. Elvis, cowboys, you name it. Just make you remember how manly and tough he is. Although, he is unwilling to prove it. He is often found in yelling matches out side the bar with Fights-With-Fists. 
  37. Daredevil Rabbit- He is drunk and willing to take bets and dares to do strange and dangerous things. Hangs out near college campuses. 
  38. Wallflower Rabbit- He is drunk but he is happy watching the chaos. He will cheer and egg on the party.
  39. Pyro Rabbit- He is drunk and has fire! 
  40. Suddenly-Not-Wearing-His-Own-Clothes Rabbit- He was wearing his own clothes earlier, what the hell happened? You know what? Nevermind.
  41. Found-Him-On-The-Roof Rabbit- There is always one in the crowd, isn't there?
  42. Toilet-Papered-The-Yard Rabbit- A modern rabbit for sure. Makes you wonder what the Aztecs did as an equivalent.
  43. One-More-Drink Rabbit- It is closing time but we have to have one more. One more won't hurt...
  44. Post-Party-At-My-House Rabbit-  They are moving this party to his house. Everyone's invited.
  45. Beer-Run Rabbit-  How can this guy drink and still be sober enough to supply the party? Divine magic, I guess.
  46. Sings-Till-Dawn Rabbit- You think it's the last song. Surprise! There is another one, too loud and off key. And yes, it IS the Calontir Shieldwall...again This Bunny is depicted with the Device of Calontir on his shield. (Google it. It's hilarious)
  47. Political Rabbit-  This rabbit is drunk and won't stop talking politics. Yes, in Ancient Aztec culture this rabbit spoke. He is STILL talking about politics and it's 2016.
  48. Can't-Stop-Hysterically-Laughing Rabbit- You told a joke two hours ago and he is still laughing. Only now, he is on the floor and rolling around. Urinates-On-Self is often seen in his company.
  49. The-Most-Interesting-Rabbit-In-The-World Rabbit- This guy has done everything. He has traveled everywhere. He knows every person. Males want to be him and females love him. Is he lying or telling the truth?
  50. Stash-It Rabbit- For some reason, you can't get caught with the booze and someone is knocking at the door! Where the hell did he stash the disco ball in the 15 seconds before the door was answered?
  51. Gear-Head Rabbit- A low key kind of Rabbit. He hangs out in the garage with his buddies, talking cars, and laying back a few.
  52. Honkey-Tonk Rabbit- Hangs out in Roadhouses and Country bars. Line dances and listens to Hank Williams. Actually has a broken down tractor and is in the middle of a divorce, with 13 starving children. Where does he get the money for beers at the tonk?
So, that is a drop in the bucket to the long list of 400 Drunk Rabbits. Got any more I didn't think of? Add some in the comments below. Thanks for reading.

Friday, March 18, 2016

Remember the Stone

It happened yesterday, or it could have happened tomorrow, that there was a girl who was clever and wise. She was a strange sort of girl whose words didn't make sense most of the time. Until, of course, after it happened. But by that point, most people had left her, either frustrated or very confused. This also meant, she felt lonely and misunderstood frequently.

This girl had unusual hobbies and interests. One of those interests was the paranormal. She read stories and watched videos of all types of paranormal activities. But unlike most people with the same interest, this girl also read myths and legends about paranormal activities. She believed that, maybe, some little point of knowledge could be gleaned from the ancient world.

One night, while watching her favorite show, she saw a story about a miner. He had built his rickety mining shack over his cave. That miner spent a lifetime tunneling and digging out silver, or at least that was what the people said. But then, one day, he disappeared. some people say that he was robbed and murdered, then buried in his mine shaft. Some people said, he was caught in a cave in, down the shaft. People did not go looking in the shaft. It was not stable and they feared for their safety. They did try to look for clues to his disappearance in the shack. But they found nothing.

Shortly after his disappearance, people said that they could hear funny noises from the shack. If one stood at the entrance to his mine shaft, one could hear the echoes of a pick hitting the stone. Footsteps and mumbling could heard. Some even said they could see a ghostly figure, from time to time.

The investigators on the show took their equipment to investigate. Their recorders picked up a voice, but we could not understand the words. Then, the most amazing thing happened. A little man was seen on their video equipment. The little man danced a little, then he disappeared.

The girl, watching the show, was amazed. But something inside her kept the memory clear. Why such a little man? The memory never left her. It kept playing in her mind for a very long time.

One day, she could take no more. She took equipment and journeyed to the location. She set it all up and waited. Soon, there came a voice over the talking box. She could not understand the words. So, she made a statement. "You are not human." There was no answer. She made another statement. "You are not evil."

"Not evil," said the box.

"As I expected," she said. "A creature that is helpful is rarely evil. He saved you but he also trapped you by mistake."

The box did not answer.

"I am sorry you lost your friend. But you want to return home," said the girl.

"Yes," said the box.

"But if you leave this place, you might get caught in the sunlight," she said.

"Safety," said the box.

"I know you are afraid of boxes, too. But a box would be safe. I could take the box to a door. Where can I find a door?"

"Trap," said the box.

"No, I assure you that I will not trap you or keep you in the box forever. I will keep you in the box until I get you to the door. Then, I will open the box, in the dark, during the dark moon. I will let you pass into the shadows to return home."

"Why?" asked the box.

"Because I know and understand that this place is safe but it is also a prison. Good people should not be doomed in prison forever because others cannot hear them cry for help." There was no answer from the talking box.

So, the girl pulled out an empty box. It was a plain box, no bigger than her hand. "Here is the box I am talking about. I am offering, not commanding. If you want to go, I will take you." The girl opened the small empty box.

"The Great River scarred the land," said the talking box.

"I will take you to Grand Canyon," said the girl.

"Eyes closed," said the talking box.

The girl closed her eyes. She heard the box snap shut, all by itself. She packed up her equipment. She took the box to the Grand Canyon.

It was a dark, moonless night. She stood at the bottom of the canyon, near the river. She closed her eyes and opened the box. She felt a great wind come upon her. She heard voices on the wind. She heard laughing and deep singing. When the wind died down, she felt herself become warm and a voice whispered thanks. She opened her eyes and looked down at the box. Inside, was a stone.

"Oh no!" she cried out. "What did I do wrong? Motsignir! Forgive me, I tried to help."

She was surprised to hear little feet running away and laughing. That is when she knew that the stone was not the dwarf. It was a gift from the dwarf. "Thank goodness!" she said, out loud. She picked up the stone to look at it. It was not valuable. It was not semi-precious. It was simple piece of granite with rosy speckles. She took it home with her and carried it all her life. When she thought no cared, when she thought no one understood, when she felt alone, the girl would take out the stone and remember that goodness and wisdom are understood by only the beings who need it the most.