Hearing me talk, you may get
the impression that I'm a firm believer of sunshine from Loki's butt. This is
incorrect. Like most males of his kind, they completely believe the statement
'I'm so wonderful sunshine glows from my butt'. It's not that they make it a
point to be massive pricks, but they, at times, will overstate the value of
their inner divinity. This is why the Divine Source commanded that they could
no longer be Eternal and switched things up by making them Immortal. Of course,
that was brought about by Loki. He interpreted his annihilation of the Eternal
and the total destruction of the old ways as imperial evidence of his brilliant
magnificence. This idea was overfed to him by his own mind. So as you can see
his ego has a special way of being overfed, and thus fallible. I know this. I
accept and respect it. It is one of his biggest character flaws. So, I talk
about the other wonderful things about him, while giving him the side-eye and
reminding him he is guilty of making mistakes. Or remind him of how stupidly
human he can be by loudly pointing out minor character flaws like his terrible
diet and lack of adulting.
Those points aside, one of the most beautiful things
about Loki is his strange ability to meta-weave himself through the fabric of
space and time. (Space-time for those who are boring and without the romantic
poetry gene). There was a memory that surfaced recently that triggered this in
me. If there is one thing in this world I can do, it's talk about Loki. Becuase
that is how I love him from far away.
Speaking of love, it's that very thing that brings me
to this tale. It was a long time ago somewhere in the grasslands of the Asian
continent. I was an Amazon maiden. I had encountered one by the name of Loki
Red-Stripe. So named for the thick warrior's stripe of blazing red hair on his
head. I fell deeply in love
with him. He was traveling with his band of
warriors to wreak havoc along some trail his uncle had claimed. In other terms,
border patrol. When warriors get bored, they will always eventually end up
looking for booze and woman. (Remember this. It's important)
Our tribe, being nomadic, bumped into their borders. Of
course, it started out as a fight but nature took over when they discovered we
were a scouting/hunting party of women who also had been away from the tribe
too long. The fight ended with everybody getting naked and frolicking; which is
a much better and efficient way of spending time away from home.
Loki and I spent a few days together. We went hunting,
fishing, and swimming. Spent the nights with more frolicking, then we parted
ways. Sad that we probably would never see each other again.
Fast forward sometime later, our chieftess decided to
settle down near a new land. This wasn't odd. There was some unrest in the East.
There was a rising danger to the South. We needed to settle to fortify
ourselves. We chose a spot near some great hills in the northwest but east of
the Volga River. As we began to build our new settlement, here come some
warriors to drive us off. They came at us from across a grass field, weapons
drawn, screaming berserking battle cries. And then completely dumfounding the
war chief as a few of them grabbed some of our warriors and kissed them full on
Lo! How lucky can one bitch be in a single lifetime!
There is Loki, standing beside the war chief on the horse. He looks around at
some fighting and some fucking (willingly mind!) Takes a deep breath as shock
rolls over him, figures it out, then calls off the attack. The war chief on the
horse starts to object but Loki turns his axe to the flat blunt side and whacks
the man off his horse. Why fight when you know for sure diplomacy will work out
for the benefit of two tribes? I have never known a Loki to pass the
opportunity to talk his way out of something. Especially, if it is in his best
interest. I know he thought that because he was eyeballing me from across the
field commanding everybody to stand down.
Turns out he is a bit of a lordship in his tribe. His
uncle is the big man in charge. His cousin, who loves him dearly, is next in
line to lead. I guess a bitch can get lucky a lot in a single lifetime.
Unless other people have different ideas. Like the
Chieftess of my tribe. She wants a couple of her daughters to get married into
his family. Expectedly, uncle wants to marry off some of his sons. However, his
heir is already taken and his other sons are not old enough to be wed. This
leaves nephews. This points to Loki.
Here's a secret about Loki. It's a flat-out war if
someone tells Loki what to do with his heart. He absolutely cannot be forced
into marriage for any reason. A king cannot convince him of his "civic
duty". He cannot be bought or tricked. Loki will not surrender his heart
on command. Loki will act out like an animal causing terrible things to happen
in his panicked distress to defend his heart.
Uncle did not care for his behavior and threatened him.
At this news, Loki went and got himself absolutely wasted. In his drunken
madness blurted that I was the reason for his reluctance. This news reached
Uncle and Chieftess. I was sent away for a time on a trading caravan heading
south into the outskirts of the Persian Territories. This actually turned out
to be a really good thing to happen.
While I was gone, I sought to soothe myself with some
culture. I sat with storytellers, loremasters, and sages. I transported myself
to the realms of Gods and Djinns as often as I could. I learned all that I
could on my travels there and back again.
Meanwhile, back home, Loki has reluctantly married. He
didn't abuse her, but he did emotionally abandon her. As tradition demanded, he
nailed her enough times to get her pregnant. Then simply ignored her existence.
This was not a good thing. She died during childbirth along with the child.
Loki may have not loved her but Loki is a serious guy about fatherhood. Every
Superior Variant is. This trait is one of the most important traits needed to
be a Loki variant. Losing his would-be child, struck him hard. He blamed
himself for her declining well-being and eventual death. After all, she wasn't
all that happy to be wed to him either. It was a political thing for both. She
truly had deserved better treatment from him. Loki did not handle the regret
A little while after that, the community experienced
some windfalls. A plague swept through. Followed shortly by a raid from rivals
from the west. During this series of unfortunate events, Loki lost family
members; namely his uncle and his cousin. Several children were taken during
the sickness. In short, that left Loki as the man who would be king.
When I returned, he was a single man with abundant
lands and livestock. He had inherited the lodge and all the servants. Loki was
transformed into the eligible bachelor. Which sounds great except that he also
inherited all the pressure to go with it!
Mothers and fathers were shoving their daughters (and
sons!) at him. (Not that it was a big deal. But that the numbers of the
community were low and they needed every person to reproduce. Since the
community was a little confused by Loki, because he can be gender fluid, they
offered him one to marry and one to fuck at his whim and as needs must. Which
is a normal thing at the time.)
Of course, there was pressure from the elders for him
to marry well. And this time they backed off on a specific who. That much loss
is hard for any person. The last thing they needed was an uncooperative leader.
There was work to be done and decisions to make. They did not want to risk the
unraveling psyche of a Loki. Government must move on, regardless of personal
There was a serious food shortage when we returned. So,
when we came back happiness and stability returned. The stores were filled up
to tide us over. More warriors for the hunting party is always a boon. In
addition, we returned with unwilling help that was in desperate need. (Remember
this is a super long time ago.) The community was seeing hope again.
Loki, on the other hand, was angry that I had left.
Another thing that a real Loki variant will do is hold a grudge for way too long.
Betrayal hurts him deeply because he loves so deeply. That's why he will betray
another first if he gets the hint of a thought of shenanigans. He gets really
stabby. (Which I have heard is ok because its Russia) In my case, it was a
metaphorical stabby from his dagger-like stare I received every time I was near
Loki was also angry at my refusal to "fight for
him". He was constantly surrounded by a group of romantic hopefuls. I made
no effort to chase him or fight off the group. I said nothing. I did nothing.
So, Loki took that to mean I had fallen out of love. The real truth was that I
was exhausted from the trip and needed rest. I needed healing.
Loki needed healing too. But couldn't seem to find the
best medicine. Because of my lack of interest, he decided to be a complete
tart. He started to act out. Drinking, whoring, eating, hunting, everything a
male considers to be pleasurable a few thousand years ago. No matter what he
did, he couldn't seem to be satisfied or filled. Loki likes pleasure but he will
also quickly bore of it. And that's dangerous, a bored Loki.
Now, he can't sleep. Loki is burnt at both ends. He is
miserable. During this misery, he tries to distract himself with stories from
the south. So, he sneaks into a thrall's gathering and listens to the fabulous
tales of the south. He is filled with inspiration as he is told of thieves,
genies' lamps, magic carpets, and words that open concealed doors that lead to
hordes of gold. Loki sees hope that a person, a king even, could hear a
thousand tales and rise again, transformed and healed.
After the gathering cleared away for the night, the
disguised Loki approached the seated storyteller. The figure was shadowed by
the dying fire and the oversized draped hood.
"Skald, do you truly believe in the tales you
repeat? Do you think a man may find restoration in folktales?" asked Loki.
"A man will find whatever he desires most if he
listens to stories and hears the voice of the Gods within it. But a man must
set aside pride and ego for a little time each night to listen with the heart
of a child. Not many are brave enough for this task. It means opening the heart
and being vulnerable to one's own darkness. Only in this way can we see the
lighted path ahead and be healed," said the skald.
"A brave man only dies but once, a coward will die
a thousand times. I am brave," said Loki.
"Is that what you believe?" chuckled the
"How can it be different?"
"Because brave men die just as many times as a
coward, the difference is that the brave man is reborn into a better world. The
coward remains buried in his own darkness, doomed to repeat it eternally. Brave
men are granted immortality." said the skald.
Loki paused in thought. The smoldering embers cracked
and popped as the fire cooled in the night air. A light spray of red ash flew
up. It turned grey as the breeze caught it and cast it away into the starry
sky. "It's clear you are speaking not in terms of flesh but in terms of
spirit and mind. I can sense its merit and value though I can't see it as
clearly as I would like." Loki sat down on the ground near the fire facing
the hooded skald. "Let me speak plainly. I know I'm in a bad place.
Here," he pointed at his chest. "I don't know what to do about it.
I'm willing to try anything. I need new medicine."
"It's dangerous for a doctor to try a new medicine
with a king, regardless of what kind of medicine it is. Powerful men are
impatient. Sometimes they lack insight and intuition. If powerful men do not
see results immediately, it is common that he murders the one who provides the
medicine. In my story, the concubine is threatened with death if she does not
deliver a story to the king every night for a thousand nights. The truth is
that this is an exaggeration. The lie is to exhibit the lengths one would go to
out of love. It also speaks that healing takes as long as it takes. It could be
a day of inspiration or it could be a full lifetime. But truly in life, one
thousand nights is not necessary. Nor the threat of death. As a matter of
truth, the threat of death is counter to the heart of the exercise."
"What do you mean?"
The skald took a deep breath. "Loki, I can't give
you my secrets just as the Gods can't give away the answers. A supplicant must
experience them or it has no meaning. Forcing another with the threat of death
takes away the intent of the person who is administering the medicine. It must
be done out of love, not fear. That is part of the medicine."
After a moment, Loki nodded his head. "I do
understand your meaning there. I don't only need medicine, I need a loving
person to administer it. Someone true." He paused and lowered his head.
"Where could I find someone like that? I feel that all who love me have
abandoned me or died. Who is left?"
"Loki, you are so wrapped up in your grief you
have not been mindful or observant at all. Come out of your head and look at
me,"said the skald.
Loki looked up at the hooded skald. His eyes wandered
up and down the cloaked figure sitting in the dim red light. "I'm looking.
What am I supposed to see?"
"By the Nine, Loki, if you can't see it yet,
return tomorrow night, and look again." The hooded figure let loose an
exasperated sigh, stood up, and turned away.
Having witnessed such an exchange, I shook my head.
It's common for a stressed and distressed Loki to be blind to his own current
standing in the world. But the most important truth here is that until he dug
himself out of his own inner turmoil, nothing and nobody could help him with or
without good medicine. So, I walked away in fear. I was frightened that he would
not return. Fearful he wouldn't rise against his own pride and ego to fight for
himself. In tears that I could do nothing except wait and watch for his next