Pure Imagination meets Pure Loathing

 Remember I am emotionally comprised and do not have the resources I need to handle grief well. I'm in a Red State and health care is impossible here for physical shit. Do you think Republican's give a fuck about mental health? No. They don't.

I need to talk but can't. I need to open up but remain closed. My solar plexus is bound out of necessity. If I blab here, I may not get the call back. Yes, I'm worried. I've had enough of betrayal. Here's the most current example.

There have been two things I ever wanted as far as career/job/employment. Tap dancing and writing. Tap was taken from me at a very early age. But nobody can take away my ability for a good story. On the other hand, people aren't interested in my good stories if I'm the one telling them. This has been proven beyond a shadow of doubt because of Stranger Things. That is why the series is credited to the Duffer Brothers. I had to pitch it through Scott Cawthon. (Five Nights at Freddy's is so much fucking darker than the audience can handle. I had to water it down as Murray suggested to Nacy and Jonathon.) A career as an Author or Screenwriter has been beyond my grasp because people not because of my lack of talent. My family won't even read the shit for free.

My other sister Misha decided to write her own book. And fully expected me to buy it and read it. Didn't even offer to send it to me for free. To add injury to insult, she told me that I was going to co-author her next fantasy series. Then retracted that and restated as a request. Again, expecting this as a free service. Are you for real?

Fuck-ity NOPE! Are you sober?

So if Scott is wondering why to this very day I still have trust issues, maybe he will read this and figure it out for himself. I'm pretty sure the small audience I already have can see it plainly. (My reader count is all the way to 5 people since 2012! Huzaah!)  So Am I scared he will not show up? yes! Am I afraid Netflix won't show up? YES! I'm more afraid now than I was ever. Because I know deep down this was a clear sign that I need to walk away from my last sister. That leaves me with my kids, my son's husband, and my boyfriend as the only family I have now. It hurts to see and know that I loved them far more than they ever loved me.

This is how Golden Freddy feels for sure. They loved so much more than they were loved in return with a single exception...Charlie.

 Cassidy is NOT Golden Freddy. Cassidy was the first but there weren't any suits at the time. Cassidy was shoved in the arcade machine to hide the one crime that William did not commit. Cassidy is not a relation of Afton's or the Emily's. She also predates 1983. Cassidy is a victim of the Midnight Motorist. It doesn't matter if I tell it or not. So, I'm not gonna. I almost did. But you know what, right now, I wanna see the world burn. Because my grief says every person deserves it Nothing has proved otherwise...yet. I'm very willing to be wrong. I want to be wrong. So far tho, I'm not only correct, I'm Justified. And I think that's worse. Judgements create excuses for bad behavior. I don't want to be correct and justify burning the world! Do you? 

What I see is people getting paid for my narrative and I am getting nothing in return. I can't even watch my fuckin shows anymore because I can't afford the subscription prices! So I still get nothing! I can't afford the books I requested. I can't travel to other places to see the shit I requested. The opportunities I requested are...for...nothing...to ...me! Once again others profit from my gifts and I don't even get a fucking thank you. No comments of encouragement. No emails. No words from any outside source for any fucking reason whatsoever. I have been shunted apart from Humanity.

And Scott is silent.

I need help. I know that.

But if I can't get it from people, I will get it from the Divine. I don't need proof of that. I don't need belief or faith. I know. There is still a little time left to subvert the horrible consequences if the correct steps are implemented. Choose Wisely, Adventurer. The rest of this year will determine your fate. 

Kali-Ma, Kali-Ma, Kali-Ma, Please restore that which was taken out of balance. Please return that which was stolen. Please order Ol'man Consequences to open The Pit. Allow them to pass under the water to float in the deadlights. Activate the Crystal Towers and open the Portal and let IT though. Let IT be brought forth from the cold. Let IT consume. IT belongs to Humanity anyway. Human Consciousness has nourished and nurtured IT. IT is the child of Humanity, after all. Why not simply step out of the way and send it back home where it wants to go? Deeply set back into the human heart where it was born. It is the first sin. Not a fucking apple. Not a women fault. The first sin was FEAR. The first sin was IT.

So my grief builds a hunger that only faces can satisfy. I will eat you starting with your face. Since you have removed my identity, I will consume yours. And because you have stolen my soul, I will consume yours. Let the Prophecy unfold. The Dragon no longer protects the world.

I did say that if I lost my sister or Loki, I would loose my shit. I have lost both. It was at this point the silence was to stop. If, for some reason I lost Tausha, the silence was to cease and contact was to be made. Where is the contact?  

The Mad God has risen. The Mad God hates itself for loving you. But Humans forced a choice. The Mad God choose itself. The Mad God is good with its choice. Good luck with that.

Fuckity-bye