Dalek, Dalek Sunday: A Personal Short Story

 It was a few years ago when I began to gather all my pop culture items. They had been scattered over a couple states (I still don't have everything back. I currently can't afford to get my stuff from Tennessee! and OMG, that's a long story for another day. If I talk about it now, I'll shut down again.) Anyway, I gathered as much as I could find, boxed it, labeled it, and put it away; up on a high shelf to be forgotten and maybe inherited or sold later. I felt safe enough to begin to shut down and lose my soul to a government position that paid enough bills to get me by, but not enough to do anything else. This was mainly due to health bills. I finally found a doctor to remove the uterus and ovaries that had long plagued me.

(Note: When Missouri Medicine removed it, it was swollen, inside and outside the walls (not the lining) with cysts and the entire realm of genitalia was four times its normal weight. The Kansas Doctor that I had seen and recommended an "Ablation" got visibly horrified and angry that I had it removed despite the fact it had been slowly killing me for 20 years and had the audacity to lecture me and leave the room! Honestly, I don't give a (insert as long list of bad language and spite here) who you are or what your religion is!  What makes this such an extraordinary story is that the doctor I saw was a woman! Because I had it removed, she was afraid she was going to be fired for recommending a medical doctor outside of the state. IF this is not the reason, then God have mercy on her soul, because she abandoned her Dharma and ignored her Mahatma. Her Karma is gonna be a (redacted) and she got some massive Divine debt that she is gonna pay for! This is why people, politics, and insurance companies need to keep their business out of women's bodies. You can have your opinion, but when it starts costing real people the ability function and work, like you (redacted) want us too, then give us the give care we need to work and buy food and pay rent! F(redacted) You, United Health Care! You (redacted)! END NOTE) <pause for breath and calm>

So...

I was angry with the fandom. But I should be more specific here. I was angry at Thirsty, Troll, Reddit-ing, Discord-cliching, Armchair Fan Boys. I'm really certain that Valhalla was the last straw. I couldn't look at anything in my room without wanting to throw up. It was also the first time in the whole of my life I did not want my Wil Wheaton signed autograph from 1987 looking back at me from my desk. I couldn't look at Loki without crying. I couldn't watch Strek Trek without cringing. I couldn't watch Anime without feeling my heart shrink. Overall, just begin to shut down completely over the disenchantment and huge disappointment over what I had been witnessing over the pandemic. With nothing to do, these turds took it upon themselves to try to earn money by being turning into mean, spiteful, incels, constantly complaining about the shit they asked for or thunking thinks for so long they thunk a whole in the universe and fell into a void. Pass out the tin foil hats!

Little do those (redacted) know that there IS a conspiracy going on. I'm the reason for it. But unlike other conspiracies and secret societies, this one is right in their faces! Inside Job (Cognito Inc)

(Insert maniacal laugh)

I was thinking about this as I was cleaning my house. And as I thought this think, I uncovered my lost Dalek! Dalek Sec!

I took a moment. I felt something missing. But this time a good missing. I didn't want to cringe or throw up. Was the find from yesterday connected to the find of today? Was my Dalek the Doctor's carrots?

I took him out of his box and gave him a clean. He needed it. But I was slow and mindful as I cleaned him. I didn't feel bad holding him, cleaning, or thinking about his story arc. Dalek Sec abandoned his race to help the Doctor. He was destroyed for his traitorous deeds. I believe Delak Sec died believing he was doing the correct action. This was a huge thing in the general Doctor Who narrative. Dalek's are born without empathy for a reason. I felt something new in that moment.

The Doctor returned my belonging, value, identity, and purpose within the Who-niverse to me. The 14th Doctor gave me the ability to be in that world and feel the joy that no one person or group of trolls can take away. My relationship to the Doctor.

Of course, this couldn't be possible without a large group of people in the UK who cared enough to do it! They heard me somewhere saying important words like:

Gratitude, Humility, Graciousness, Joy, Support, Positivity (as much as I can muster), and other virtues that I wanted to shout over the loud obnoxious incel screams of older faboys who hate everything and nothing is good enough. My louder thought and words are:

Eff those effers! You and me, we are good enough!

We stand in defiance, together. I'm glad I didn't get left out. I'm so happy to shine in OUR world for US. I'm grateful, so grateful a space was made for me in the Who-niverse.

I put Dalek Sec back on my desk. I put my Sonics back into the pencils cup. When I find it, I'm putting the poster of 10th back up on my wall.  I feel balanced. I feel normal. Not shut down. I think I can do tomorrow at work, without feeling my soul drain off. For a moment, life doesn't seem quite so bad. For today and tomorrow, I think I'll forget to be sad. This is a small blessing. It won't last in the long term. But it's enough for now.

For all time, Always