I couldn't take it anymore. I got to season 7 episode 3 (or 4?) It was the one about Osiris. Sam killed one of my favorite Gods with a rams horn? Seriously? pbbt! Come on! Kripke, you suck!
This show simply wails the goodness and light out of my faith. It features uses of seriously forbidden blood magic the Gods don't even use anymore. I was hoping for something to come out of that episode.
You see, not five minutes into *that* episode, I found myself yelling at my screen. Dean has taken it upon himself to be the judge, jury, and executioner for all the hunts. Dean is in control. Dean is a black and white thinker. He murdered that Kitsune.
So when Osiris came by to even it out, to put Dean back into his place, Mommy Sam had to enable his behavior and "save" Dean.
Dean is not a nice guy. He isn't safe. His heart is closed. His ego is too. He is a failure. He self soothes with beer, women, and cheeseburgers. Giving himself an excuse to do because he is "protecting blah blah blah"
What a bunch of bullsmack.
He has no faith in Sam. He has no faith in Bobby. He has no faith~ in himself. When he broke it off with Lisa, that was proof! Dean knew he couldn't protect Lis and Ben.
And here is where is it super screwed up. Dean isn't alone outside of him. He is alone in his head because he won't allow others to step up into their Divine purpose. Dean only feels value if HE is the chosen one. It never occurs to him that maybe he is supposed to teach or train others in his life to be strong hunters themselves. That way it isn't *just* him and *only* him making the sacrifice. Its a "family" but only if he is running it, protecting, making the calls, doing the orders. That's not a family you ass! Thats an army. Any member of that army who disagrees is bullied out, cast away, and shamed into compliance. If that person doesn't comply they are left behind to be murdered by the nearest demon.
YOU ARE NOT MY FATHER, DEAN WINCHESTER.
Okay, so that is me handling my emotional grief on my source parent. Which is not my biological father, but my step-father. He is the only "father model" I have. And I'll tell you, he is a piece of work. Let me tell you a story. And if you pay attention, you can see the Cinderella issues that it caused my inner child for years.
Gary expected me to be so grateful to him for my life, he also expected me to work for it. The fact that I was "serving" my parents by being the Parent-child was too much for me to deal with. The fact that I was stuck in a loop of Emotionally Unavailable people (mostly men) make sense to me. And further highlights the destructive behaviors of Dean Winchester. Fact is Dean will never be happy. There is nothing I could ever do to please Dean. As a girlfriend, wife, sister, daughter, you name it. The demons Dean hunts are projections of his own inner demons that he cannot conquer.
You're hunting the wrong demons, Dean. Therefore, you will never know peace.
Loki was right to get me to watch the show. I have a feeling that he knew I wouldn't make it to the end. Loki is a lot more forgiving in the self indulgent behaviors of the Winchester boys. He is also way more forgiving about being bashed on too. He knows and accepts the purpose of the abuse. (Secretly, I do too. But I'm binging the show. He had the advantage of weekly shows. So it was small doses over a long time.)
I believe the Divine purpose has been for filled. The only thing I want to do now is walk away from all things pop culture. I have already done this deep down in my subconscious. This post is to tie up a loose end. Grade it and move passed it.
After 7 seasons, It gets an 'F'
But I get an 'A' for dumping that asshole and leveling up.
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